Bionic Penguin of the Week #2

One of the most highly desirable traits in a BP is durability. One recently discovered critter has so many hit points it just might be immortal.

I don't think you're ready, for this jelly.

Turritopsis nutricula is this week’s BP of the W because it succeeds easily at something that so many pitiful humans fail at miserably. Many of us try to reclaim our youth through nostalgic memoribilia, plastic surgery, or by hitting on high school cheerleaders. Nutricula takes a much more direct path to its goal; it reverses its life cycle through transdifferentiation.

Transdifferentiation is the process of a developed cell transforming into a different kind of cell. No, it’s not like Michael J’s vitiligo;  it goes deeper, down to the cell’s function and purpose. An example of transdifferentiation would be if an eye’s iris cells transform into lens cells to replace the eye’s missing lens.

After mating as a sexually mature jellyfish, nutricula returns to an adolescent polyp state. It appears as though the nutricula can repeat this process indefinitely, evading death and becoming immortal.  Talk about a testament to sexual healing.

However, because none of the jellies are dying off, there has been an underwater population explosion. That’s right, an immortal, infinite army of jellyfish soldiers are massing under your local tide pool.

The can only be one... billion.

Time to freak out! Unless, we can figure out how to do it ourselves. Of course, our bodies are much more complex than a jelly’s, but it’s nice to dream.

Ach-hoo Baby

The main difference between sneezing and masturbating is that you can masturbate with your eyes open.
It’s good news for (male) masturbation fans, as new research supports the idea that you can jerk it out to get rid of your hayfever. Hey, that’s sounds a lot more fun than taking some lame pill.

Sneeze Nuts

I remember that awkward day in sex ed, when I was a naive little chap. My teacher described an orgasm as a really, really good sneeze. I guess she was just really ahead of her time.
Unfortunately, this news does not in any way signify an end to the kleenex shortage.

BP of the Week – April 27, 2009

Nils Olaf II, colonel-in-chief of the Nowegian Army, is quite the badass.

Nils Lookin' Studly

Sir Nils (that’s right, he’s a knight) is the second penguin in the military, the first being Nils Olaf I. He doesn’t actually do anything, except for be totally badass. I mean, I hear he’s kinda strict when it comes to dress code; he expects everyone to dress at least as well as he does.
In Norwegian, Nils is usually referred to as a mascot, whatever that means. He is registered in the Consulate as colonel-in-chief, so you have to do what he says. Hop to it and get the man a fish!

Alcohol for Everybody

This is the sweetest thing to come out of Singapore since the Sling.

Scientists at Singapore’s Institute of Biotechnology and Nanoengineering have developed a method of transforming carbon dioxide into methanol. That’s right, go ahead and read that again if you need to do so. Let it sink in. Now, ask why none of the major news outlets have reported this discovery?

Okay, so maybe this isn’t exactly breaking news. This process has been discovered before, but the new method is a lot a lot a lot cooler. The new catalyst being used can convert carbon dioxide to methanol straight out of the air!! That changes everything.
Seriously. This advance gives us the ability to turn carbon dioxide (harmful greenhouse gas) into methanol (clean burning fuel). This is the same carbon dioxide that we release every single time we breathe! Yes, we will be able to recycle our own energy!! This will revolutionize the energy industry, as long as big oil doesn’t stand in the way of its progress.
Gosh, can you imagine a future where we rely heavily on this method of energy capture?
Suddenly, burps will be a lot sexier. The louder you go, the more you care about the environment. In fact, if you’re into enviro-friendly ladies or boys, just go right up to your sweetie and burp in his or her face. There’s no need for silly pick up lines anymore.

(Angewandte Chemie)

Hardening Evidence

So, homophobes, despite all your best efforts to hide it from prying eyes and to deny it from yourself, it looks like you’re queer as folk. (Pubmed)

That’s right, science has caught you all red, erm, handed. With irrefutable proof, it appears that you like to watch hot sweaty guy-on-guy action. But hey, who doesn’t? Oh yeah, that’s right. Supposedly you?

I guess it’s some consolation that you got aroused by gay, straight, and lesbian porn. So don’t worry, you’re not a homosexual. Nope, you’re bisexual!!

It turns out all your attempts at rejecting my invitations to bond and get past a “booze pal” level of closeness mean that you really had it going for me. Well, really, I’m very flattered, but sorry buddies, but I don’t swing that way.

Take that, Saddleback.

Ahhh, this is why I love science.

(Seriously, these results don’t definitively prove a thing. It’s such a small sampling of the population, it can’t be perfectly representative of everyone. You can totally be homophobic and “not be gay.” We don’t need science to know what you really mean.)

The Cutest Robo-Overlords

I am quite certain that, as a civilization, we have reached our peak. After watching these bionic penguins swim (and fly!!) it is all too obvious that humans are totally inadequate with our cumbersome, fleshy bodies. For evolution to continue, we must accept the bionic penguins as our new, sexy overlords.

Flying Robot Penguins? Amazing!

There are so many neat technological achievements incorporated into the bionic penguin.

First, there’s the penguin’s body itself, made of carefully aligned fibre glass rods. In penguin form, it allows for quick turns and a svelte frame. The design has also been used to create an exremely flexible bionic arm. It has current use in industrial production, but I see it as a potential replacement limb. Granted, a lot more development needs to go into research and design. I’m not going to let them put a penguin on my arm. Then again, when I put it like that…

Next, there’s the cool 3D sonar technology that allows the penguins to swim (and fly!!)  around in three dimensions without crashing into shit. This is a pretty advanced technology that increases robot mobility by a huge margin. Modification of this technology could eventually lead to robots that can move around on their own, walk through a city without being hit by a bus, etc.

Last of all, did you see the flying penguins?

(3d sonar technology from: EvoLogics, robot penguins revealed by: Festo)

Avast ye booty!

There be dubloons in these here waters, but only the cursed kind. We don’t want none of you bilge rats waking up with a mouthful of scurvy, so listen up.

Okay, I tricked you. This blog is totally not about pirates (except when it is).

Cool science, weird science, hot science. It’s here. Basically, I’m going to write whatever I like about whatever I think is the coolest. Why am I the arbiter of cool? Well, that’s why I’m a scientist and you’re not. Coolologist. Hip Doctor. Whatever you want to call me, I’m game for it.

Check back for “insightful” looks at the achievements our society hath wrought.